Choosing a smile over a struggle
Hello again Beautiful!
This past week has been a relaxing adventure. I’ve spent most of it reading/relaxing and listening to my food urges. Showering my sister with morning kisses (we have a game where i try and kiss her forehead as much as I can before she can sneak in and give me a kiss anywhere on my face.. it’s incredibly awesome!)
Derek and I have also spent a good chunk of time reading together, sitting facing each other on the couch and reading our own books about pregnancy/parenting/or fiction.. It’s beautiful to be able to enjoy someone’s company so thoroughly.
This week seemed to be about the idea of the “struggles of life” and the connection between that and “learning lessons at the right moment” and allowing yourself to create new patterns that reflect these lessons.
Personally I have been working consciously for the last six months on shortening the amount of time that I am upset/angry/negatively focused about anything. This is based in realizing how imensly important to me it is that I feel good. And making conscious effort to focus my thoughts and feelings into a positive state when I notice that’s not where they are.
I would like to present some quotes that survived the “burning” of last week…
“The only thing in your whole life you will ever control is your own happiness. So fight for it with everything you have” – Matt (I would say that this statement was THE turning point in my journey towards the blissful life that I am now leading, trying to follow that every day, is a beautiful challange, that when you succeed at, you know it! Because you feel amazing!)
“I once wrote that i was ‘Scared that I am not strong enough to make it’. Now I know! I am strong enough. I always have been, I just lacked the faith in myself to see it. Now I understand what kind of a person I am, what I am made of. There will always be moments of fear and doubt, but that’s just life.” (I remember that when I first found this statment I saw it as a ray of hope, in my perception that maybe one day I would feel like that too! Now I know that it is all about faith in yourself, faith in the universe/spirit, to provide exactly what you are asking for and exactly what you need. Faith and trust, are two things that I am cultivating in myself, encouraging myself to see things with trust, when I am feeling insecure, and congratulating myself when I do see things from this perspective.
The power of positive re-inforcement, for yourself, is something that is getting really important to me. Part of “taking care of myself” and being gentle with myself, is saying … hey elena you handled that really well, or when I get beautiful responces to these emails from people, to just bask in the glow that you have helped me to create.. I’ve said to my sister so many times.. “people are SO nice to me, they say the most beautiful things”
One of the things that derek and I promised eachother was to spend time every day “basking” in eachother, and in the love we feel. I looked up the word BASK “To take great pleasure or satisfaction, to lie in or be exposed to pleasant warmth, to flourish or feel secure under some benevolent influence or favourable condition, get enjoyment from; take pleasure in”
I know you can find something this week that you can take pleasure in! Look for it! Find a moment to play!
“Play is creativity at work. It is an attitude, a spirit, a point of view, and most of all, a way of living life. It is a commitment to finding true joy in any act. With little or no concern about the outcome. In it`s purest most unadulterated form play is the expression of who we are when we can let go of who we are trying to be.“
So in relation to the idea that we all struggle, we just struggle with different things, for different amounts of time. Can I let go of this, can I find a way to feel okay about this and to not hold myself in a negative position in relation to this `struggle`. Can I accept that some good will come out of this. Often a sense of loss can be a great source of struggle. Loss of a loved one, loss of a job or hope in a dream.. Loss of independance, or sense of freedom. Loss of opportunity. `When these moments occur and we are struggling with this sense of loss, remember that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.
A woman I met was given an oppotunity to drive up to Red Dear with me to attend a drum circle, when we discovered that it wasn`t going to happen due to the timing of me leaving calgary and her working schedule, she simply said “Oh, I guess Spirit didn’t mean for me to go this time” .. And was DONE with that! Some people may have spent the time saying “ohhhh.. i really wanted to go to the drum circle, ooooh I wish I didn’t have to work so late… or that I had the freedom to leave my job early.. or that i didn;’t have this job..” or .. any number of things to hold themselves in a feeling of LACK!!! This woman saw that the path was not unfolding and turned immidiately in a state of expectation towards what might ACTUALLY happen. I thought to myself, what a beautiful example of trusting, faith, surrender, and ease! No time spent struggling there!
It’s not that we don’t all have things that come up, that would make us want to struggle… It’s finding the path that, when we realize we are struggling, we can let go, of that need to control that causes the struggle.
One of my lovely friends responded to last week’s email with this thought “And even if you don’t understand love completely you seem to be willing and able to want to do the hard work of letting go of past baggage which is so important in being free enough to take that big step of really loving.”
I said to him, the only thing harder than letting go of the baggage, is continuing to walk around with it and feeling crappy as a result!!
This week for me has been a continual revelation of the way that I see derek.. He has jumped both feet, whole body, whole spirit, into the idea of being an amazing dad, of being a family, of welcoming this baby and his spirituality and wholeness. It’s phenomenal to watch, and really important for me to witness, because I catch myself being surprised… Because there is a remnant of my “previous perception” of him.. It’s being overridden at an incredible rate. Mostly because every time I notice a “new” behavior, I take note of it.. and I add it to this picture of derek.. Noticing the little changes, and accepting them! Embracing them, allowing them to create a new picture of reality for you. Being open to creating a new realty through little changes!
Because you know what?? I COULD look at these things that derek is behaving a little bit differently in, and say, that’s weird, he’s never acted like that before, it’s probably just some weird abnormality from today, it won’t stay like this. (And that would be a positive thing to do if the things derek were doing made me feel yucky…)
But when little things are flowing the way you want them to, you can say.. wow this is amazing! I’m so excited to see this little thing happening that makes me happy! I am so happy! I love feeling this happy! I’m going to tell this story of feeling happy again and again to people and to myself, and then look for more little things that make me happy!
It has been REALLY amazing for me to watch myself doing this, and especially when we had some moments that reminded me of and old pattern that made me feel yucky. I could see this very clear distinction..
Elena if you choose to watch what’s happening and see it as a “new resurgence of old negative patterns in derek” that is exactly the same as seeing a “new resurgence of old negative pasterns in elena”….
you can choose to watch what you are watching and let it turn you back down that path that you just came from… and you know you didn’t enjoy it so much there!!!! You know that!!! So… see if you can find a way… a positive way.. to look at this, and look down the new path! “oh, you know this used to happen all the time, but it doesn’t so much anymore, so I can see this as an isolated incident, I know it’s a sign of my old vibration, checking in, to see if I want back there… I know I don’t.. So… find a way to feel good about it elena.. This is an old pattern, the fact that it’s showing up means it’s not quite gone yet.. but it’s mostly gone(because it mostly doesn’t happen anymore!), so let’s think about how excited we are that we’re moving into a new path!” A new happy path! Yea! FORWARDS!!! Let’s go forwards… let’s go forwards….
I’m serious.. Talking to yourself, is a good thing… especially if you can then witness something that used to make you scream and yell and freak out, and be like.. you know what.. it used to be like that.. and it’s NOT Anymore.. see! I’m not freaking out (or not freaking out AS MUCH.. just as powerful).. and because I’m not freaking out that means that this is going to happen less and less and less until I don’t even remember thinking or feeling like that..
I’ve been reading stuff that said “choose a positive outlook, create your new life.. blah blah blah.. ” for months.. but that was maybe the first time that I really really saw this option.. old path/new path.. which one do you want.. choose how you want to feel about this, and you choose which way your life goes.. it’s THAT SIMPLE..
If you read that and felt a little like “oh, that’s really good for her, but I can’t do that in my life” .. Keep in mind that the very fact that you have been presented with this example means that you are on that path.. it is in you!
The more you find things to feel good about, the better it gets! (and ooooh! the power and glory when you “realize” you’re doing it!)
It has been lovely to share with you, and I know that this week will be a blessing and an adventure too! Please share with me if you would like me to send you love/energy on any topic you are working on in your life, or just to say hi!
I love you so very much!
Love and Laughter and Life!
ps. Remember positive re-enforcement can come from anywhere, when you get it, love it! and it’s especially powerful when you find a way to do it for yourself!