The Truth about Single Parenting in Mexico
It’s time for a confession..
Beach life, is just like life everywhere else. And sometimes it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Sometimes it’s even harder to be sad, when you know that all around you it’s beautiful paradise heaven.
The month of february this year, after I decided my dysfunctional relationship had to go, and I was left single parenting (again). Was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. The hardest part was knowing there were people all around me willing to help, while doing it all myself.. Was listening to myself KNOW I had something amazing to share with the world, and being so overwhelmed with the day to day of being a single mom that there was not a moment to spare to share (because I wouldn’t let anyone else take care of my kid).
I hit bottom (alone, and isolated on purpose, so I knew it was only my own doing) in Paradise Sayulita, Mexico, and it allowed me to really connect with the beautiful piece of myself that can just WATCH it all unfold. To let go of the blame I had placed on babydaddy, to realize that I had all those same patterns inside myself, and to find that intense feeling of being lonely, and to understand that with people all around me all the time, It was a super huge choice I was making to create this isolation and alone time.
It was also a time to go inside. To realize that I could find calm and peace and love for myself, in the midst of all that turmoil.
It was also a time to punish myself. I remember realizing that I was mad at myself for letting go of that romantic relationship again, and that I was punishing myself for not being able to make it work, by living in this space of fear and frustration, overwhelm and upset.
Normally I’m an emotional eater. I stopped eating. Then I forced myself to eat through february. Smoked a lot of Pot, (to the point where it stopped helping)… and carried on. I lost about 15lbs.
And yet in my daily life now (May of the same year) I had almost forgotten about this period of my life, when these two pictures re-surfaced. The first, is from the day I decided that it was time for him to go.
The second is the real life reality of what many of my days in mexico looked like.. Hauling around this kid, overwhelmed, frustrated. I’m pulling my phone out of my purse, because it’s beeping at me to remember to do something nice for myself. (I seem to have forgotten pants today.. oops)
(thanks Barney for the photo, you don’t often get such honest life pictures as this one).
And the reason I’m sharing this all is because I’ve felt this huge guilt over everyone thinking I had this perfect life setup in Mexico. Thinking I’ve got it all together.
I didn’t. And I’ve got to say.
That iPod saved my life. It was my weapon of consciousness when I didn’t want a single person in my life, near me, or helping me.
It reminded me to come back to center again and again..
With those cricket noises (you know, the standard Apple alarm crickets), and that happy blues keyboard… reminding me (sometimes 15 times a day).. Look back to center, find your ground, be calm, cool, collected, just for 1 minute out of the day.
Because being a single mom is hard. Being one in a foreign country is harder, and most of all, being someone who doesn’t ask for help, is retarded and so much more difficult than it needs to be.
And at the same time, it taught me what I needed to do in the midst of all that tourmoil to stay centered. Honor my alarms, do the exercises that kept me calm and stable. Figure out how to streamline those exercises for most effectiveness with least time commitment out of my busy life.
And it’s powerful stuff. When I started sharing, people really responded.
And finding the strength to stay positively focused through that tough spot helped me to create my current reality (where I’m supported by family, friends, a caregiver for alex who he loves (thank god for her!) and embraced by my community.
Now I’m ready to take it up a notch and share the techniques I’ve learned and practiced that kept my head above the water in that trying time, that worked when I didn’t have time for yoga, or meditation, or to wash my hair, or to even hop in the ocean.
If you’re interested in learning how to turn your phone into a weapon of consciousness, how to do simple practices that take you from overwhelm to joy in 2 minutes or less, and how to transmute that sorrow overwhelm into joyfull laughter… Send me a reply back and I’ll make sure you’re first to hear the next steps.
Thanks also for listening. You don’t have to get these emails, you don’t have to listen to my story. Now that I’ve gotten the guilt of telling you that life was not all fun and games in mexico, I can get on to the real good stuff of sharing how I overcame it, and the practices I use every day to help myself be a calm happy and awesome person.