Breakthrough to Self Love

There is a story here. I think it’s worth a read. I created the original version of this 7 years ago. It took the last 3 hours, and 27 layers of additions later (yay layers in photoshop), and I’ve done it.

I’ve re-written my story.

The original piece was an ode to my despair over my complete and utter alienation around sex. The destruction that bumping bits in an attempt to connect hearts, without any guidance, and with a lot of baggage from a lot of places. The despair and disaster of romantic relationships gone “wrong”.

Through the help of many people who showed me love, understanding, and created a safe place for me to just BE.. when that was a hurt and sad person. Who allowed me to experience that hurt without judgement, and to show me how to let go of my own judgement around my experience. Christian, Satyen, Suzanne, Victor,

To those who embodied LOVE, and showed me what a new world would look like, should I choose to step through Alaya, Erika, Loree, Carrine, George, Alexander DeGreat, Ja.

To Derek. Who really truly, helped me break my heart more than I thought possible. And who offered no help at all to pick up the pieces. Teaching me that I had to find my own source of love, and of hope. In the worst moments, I now find the greatest teachings. Thank you.

The New piece is an acknowledgement. Of anyone who has ever had their heart broken, who has ever endured an abusive relationship, who has ever felt unworthy of love. For anyone who knows what it feels like to want someone else to show you just a smidgin of love, because you can’t find any love for yourself. To act as a beacon, and an inspiration. To say, I’ve been there. And when I hit my Sadness Saturation Point. Indeed. I broke through, and found my own love.

And it is so much sweeter, this feeling of loving myself. Because of all the anguish of getting there. The knowing how it feels to not have it. I’m proud of myself. I understand that I’ve seen the light in my own darkest hour, and that gives me the power to face every day. The night is darkest, just before dawn. And I’m ready to play big now. The victim is (98.5%) gone.

A piece of Elena history, and a part of my soul. Thank you for reading, thank you for sharing if you are inspired, and thank you for being you. You truly are amazing.

 

With Love,

 

elena

elena