Increasing one’s threshold for others’ pain helps them mature

“Increasing one’s threshold for others’ pain helps them mature” – Edwin Friedman

As I struggled to understand the statement, I realized that as a mother, a wife, a family member, heck, in most of my professional life, I have done everything I can to lessen others’ pain of any kind. Perhaps by doing this I have not allowed people to solve things for themselves because I always wanted to jump in and make it better.

My thought is that as coaches, you really are there to hold a positively expectant space for other people, increasing your tollerance to their pain allows them to fully express, feel and release the emotions they have, as well as provide the guidance (through your presence) back to a positive state.

I know this has been a challenge for me for a long time, and especially as a mum, mums like to jump in and fix things (partially because providing basic needs, is our job for the first years), but allowing children to feel their own emotions, instead of trying to negate them (you don’t feel sad, look, it’s all better!), as well as learn to solve their own problems.

I know one of the most important things I have been working on is being able to hear the other persons pain/worry/story and just listen instead of trying to fix it for them. As I’ve been learning and teaching, it feels so much better to be heard, than to have someone fix your problem without listening. And the process of being heard often disolves the issue on it’s own.. 🙂 awesome!

elena