Rules to Being Human / Relationship Ponderings

Greetings to you and all the beautiful souls out there!

This is my first go at a “mailing list” official with all the fancy stuff that comes with, so here it goes!

10 Rules for Being Human – by Cherie Carter-Scott

1.  You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.

2.  You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”

3.  There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”

4.  Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5.  Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6.  “There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”

7.  Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8.  What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9.  Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. No matter how many times you hear this, you will inevitably forget this in a moment of intense humaness, that’s part of the fun!

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This is an intellectual iteration of a pattern that is on it’s way out of my life.. Thank you for the opportunity to mull over it in words, and to feel that I am heard.

I have been fondly termed a “rescuer” by some of my close friends..  So I would like to talk this week about how that has played out in my life, so you may gain from my experience if you so choose.

What I have realized in the past weeks is that I am incredibly capable of getting into another persons mental and emotional state.. This means if they are happy I’m happy, if they are impassioned I am completely impassioned.. If they are miserable, I have an intense urge to do anything I can to help bring them into a state of happier… for a while… and then if I am “unable” to do something, I begin to get dragged down… or I leave..   We all do this to some degree or other, I happen to have been a very dramatic case of it.  What this means to me is… I’ve been allowed to live a good portion of my life by other peoples emotional guidance.. (if I do that dad will get mad, the other kids won’t like me, i’ll be seen as a failure, I’ll get in trouble etc)

When you hold someone in high regard and you enjoy when they are happy.. Sometimes you will fall into the trap of “doing” those things that “make” that person happy..  Someone says, oh, I would only be happy if…. .this… if that…. etc.. What I realized is that when you take action to “make” another happy, you are disrespecting them, and yourself in the greatest way.

Now it is one thing to be a source of a much desired manifestation for someone, empowering and happy all around… and quite another to be a source of manifestation for someone who is glum, and to take away their ability to do for themselves..

Mums do this all the time.. I remember realizing that what makes a “good” mum (in a doting housewife sort of way, not really “good” in my books) … is that she is FASTER than everyone else.. .she picks up faster, she cleans faster, she makes meals faster, she does errands faster, and she takes the responsibility for the daily tedium of life out of the hands of everyone else, so they have time to sit in front of the tv and feel bored and aimless and like they are useless in life… (who knew the power of doing your own laundry to make you feel empowered in your life) haha..

There is a great deal to be said for taking care of ones self.. (especially first!)..  If I can keep everything organized for everyone else, they will be happy, and if they are happy then I will be happy.. ouch… who are we looking after again?? Ourselves first? Certainly not…  Are we empowering others to take responsibility for their lives? Certainly not…

So.. my lesson this week is that .. .not only have I stripped myself of my power by looking to others happiness for my happiness.. but by “doing” to ensure their happiness.. I have robbed them of the ability to take action within their own emotional feedback system to make things right.

So yet again.. Look at yourself.. Look at others, especially your close relationships, as a mirror of yourself and whatever advice you would give them, take it yourself. It’s the best advice you could give to you.

It has been said that we are the average of our 5 closest relationships… So take a look at who you are spending time with, and what that says about you…

Enjoy the introspection… it is really the only kind we do, even when we are looking out in the world..

In Love and Light

Elena

elena