This week in Elena-ville
Hello Beautiful Creatures of Light!
It’s been a busy and eventful week.. Not that I left the house much, but a lot of stuff going on. Where to start…
As you know , Derek and I went through a bit of a transition as we were leaving mexico, with our paths separating, and both of us taking time to be with ourselves, and learn to care for ourselves better.. It was a difficult decision to make and to accept as the right thing for us at the time. Given some time and distance, and understanding we are both feeling very positive about this time we spent apart.. It was in fact SO good for us that we’ve re-committed to each other and to ourselves. And are once again re-united in our smittin-as-a-kitten-in-a-mitten-ness.. with eachother. That’s right.. the hero twins.. reunited.. It’s a beautiful new beginning for us, that came at the perfect moment. A realization of what we both needed, but had been holding back from.. and a new appreciation and love of eachother..
And.. the timing couldn’t have been better (thank you beautiful syncronistic intelligent universe!) Because Derek and I are expecting! We’re going to have a baby! So the last week has been spent basking in this excitement and new found adventure.. as well as the interesting challenges of presenting this information to parents who thought we had split for good, and ex-boy/girlfriends… Everyone ELSE has been ecstatic with the knowledge, and we are so proud and excited…
this week I learned… lessons come when you are ready..
synchronicity abounds (one of my best friends took a pregnancy test the same day I did, and we didn’t know… and a multitude of other friends/acquaintances are having similar exciting revelations)
I learned I’m pregnant.. and so excited/proud to be so..
It’s easy to let go, when you start by forgiving yourself.. — So much of the “problem” I had been experiencing in Sayulita, was because of MY outlook on it.. and that only takes a second to change when you are ready..
When you go with the flow.. things flow.. and fast…
I also had the beautiful beautiful experience of letting go of so much of my past baggage this week.. Derek and I took the time to go through my “history box”.. everything from elementary school yearbooks, to all the journals I have ever kept… It was a beautiful thing to have derek witness my departure from these things.. and to see the range of self that I have been through to bring me to here.. It was also completely beautiful to re-read some of my old books, and realize how HAPPY I am now… So happy it’s beautiful! And so much easier than I was anticipating to let go, to burn away all those histories (on a cimi/worldbridger/death day too.. not planned.. just seemed right that evening/the next day) The hardest one to part with was my australia journal, which I put SO much time and myself into.. A memoir of my first adventure truly on my own, I felt a little like burning it was disrespectful to the memory of the true freedom I felt over my life during that trip… (this is after I had already thrown it in the fire, and was thinking of rescuing it..haha) So I watched it burn some more.. and came to realize that it was okay to burn that chapter.. because the important part.. that true sense of freedom and exhilaration with the possibilities in life was instilled in me in that trip.. and doesn’t live in the book.. it lives in ME!
At the end I also had my Grandma’s life history.. which I have read.. and know… and I saw it in my (very small) pile of keeps.. and I thought.. I love this woman, and I am greatful for everything that her life meant to me.. but I do not need to keep around a paper copy of her life.. not when I just burned every scrap of my own history… so it went in the fire too.. love you oma!
I also completed my graduation this week… Karina and I started it months ago with a sunday meditation.. and in this last week, I feel I actually beleive it to have happened.. I can feel the change in me, and in my energy and in my outlook on everything that has come, and everything that shall be..
Sorry – side story necessary.. — When derek and I were telling my parents that we are pregnant, my dad made a joke… that this was “new derek” in the room telling them about the pregnancy.. and that “old derek” had impregnated me.. Which…. I … clarified immidiately (to dereks GRAND blushing and giggling).. that the derek who loved me, who made love to me, who brought this baby into the world, was always the same derek who was sitting in the room at this moment… Derek blushed.. my dad looked a bit shocked… my mum DEFINITELY blushed, but for different reasons.. and my sister laughed.. And I felt amazing in my knowing of the truth.. That the man I love, is the same as the man I loved.. But he’s living in that love, in every moment now.. He’s committed to being that loving, making love in everything, amazing man who I knew him to be the whole time.. It’s such a beautiful beautiful thing..
So the side story completed… My graduation had to do with an issue that has been my “stumbling block” for lack of a better term… for almost a decade now.. Which is finding my whole self.. Being whole in my self.. Loving and caring for myself first.. I stumbled, on several men in my life.. including most recently “old derek”.. Setting their needs above my own, seeing their problems, or problems in them, before i was willing to face myself.
When derek and I parted ways at the airport.. I didn’t know when I would see him again, and I didn’t thing we would ever be the same agian. (we aren’t the same now.. we’re better! ha).. And I had to complete myself. I gave myself as much time as I needed, and I didn’t know how long that would take.. I said, I want to feel whole and complete, and when I am that, this man who I have writen a long list of things that I want him to be… Well.. he’ll be all those things.. but I will ALSO be all those things, and so it will be like looking into a mirror.. a mirror of self completion, of self worth, of confidence and spirituality and intuition, and abundance and beautiful sunsets, and everything i’ve ever wanted for and of myself.. — and when I gave myself all the time in the world I needed for that to happen.. it happened in about 2 weeks.. hahaha!
So, feeling whole and confident and beautiful, relaxed and free of judgement… having forgiven myself for my actions and beliefs of the past… I look at derek.. and I see my mirror.. a beautiful, whole, loving being..
Oh I almost forgot! I found… …… the calgary centre for spirtual living…. Imagine everything i’ve been working on learning for the last 6 months.. put into a “service” and acompanied by a live jazz band.. complete with saxaphone (my favorite instrument) and sexy sexy voiced goddess who leads the group in song.. I cried through the fourth song because I was just so overwhelmed by how perfect everything was… And so grateful to feel I had found home.. and to let go of those thoughts that said I wouldn’t find it here… I’m SO excited.. and so amused that after the service .. I introduced myself to the minister, who said she loved my hair, used to be a hairdresser, and started braiding the back of it when I expressed my uncertainty as to what to do with it… haha.. what a beautiful surprise…
So in summary.. life is feeling excellent.. I’m excited about all the changes.. I feel fresh and renewed and revitalized.. and I’m excited about everything I have no idea whats coming, but it’s gonna be good!
I would love if you could send me good energy for finding a midwife or excellent doctor… and of course health and love for me and derek and baby.. and the world..