Vulnerability in Business
Yesterday I was asked, where is the vulnerability in your business.
My response both illuminated and shocked me. My body language changed, my heart hardened, and my voice became terse.
“There is no room for vulnerability in my business”
We both recognized the change in me. With love she said “And it shows up in the bedroom, and in your business doesn’t it?”
Normally I would sigh at the truth of it, but the armor that had come up as a result of the question was so huge I couldn’t release it just like that.
“Why do you feel like that? Like you can’t be vulnerable?”
Through tense lips “I didn’t start my business from passion or love, I started it from necessity. I started it from not wanting to starve with my newly born son. And this year I made a promise to myself, that I wouldn’t let my feelings crash it out for the 6th time.” Thinly veiled fear fills my body and my voice. “I would be the good business woman, I would respond to the emails that leave me paralyzed, I would keep my commitments. There is no room for vulnerability in that” Tears start running down my face. “If I let myself feel in my business, I wouldn’t have a business, I would never get anything done” Tears roll off my face now, and I am simply held, loved. There is silence for a while, and the conversation moves on to other things, there is nothing more to be said for now, but in reality, there is much much more digging to be done.
In this conversation, I realize the truth of why I haven’t shared the love letters I’ve been writing to myself for the last 2 years. I realize why I haven’t finished the sales funnel that will give me the freedom to do EXACTLY what I love doing, and in a way that I never have to worry about whether my monthly minimum gets paid, ever again. The divine plan has been laid out, my intuition has been tapping me lovingly on the shoulder for 2 years now, and yet… It’s such a difficult path to walk.
Because it requires that I be vulnerable, to trust, to start to share my inner truth with the world, and trust that it will become more than I imagined. It means that I trust that my voice means something, that my voice has purpose in the world, and that it will serve others to hear how I have found the courage to share. I have understand this as my mission since I started my business, and it scares me more than words can express (it scares me to paralysis in fact), to be sharing with you now.
In order to continue on the journey, I need to know. I need to know that you’ve been there too, I need to know that you’ve been left shaken, raw and wounded, vulnerable, in the path of conscious business. I need to know I’m not alone.
What is the most vulnerable you’ve felt in your business? Leave a comment below.
In the mean time, I’m going to delve deeper in to what it takes to find the courage to be vulnerable. What it takes to shine in the face of your own fear and darkness, and more importantly, in the fear of your own light.
Ps. There is only one secret to finding the courage..